2016 Jun 3
by Azraa Killru
- Family
Like the incessant noise of a whistling pressure cooker, the worries and fuss made by Lankan parents and close family members of unmarried young women tend to be a common occurrence in every other household. Whether you find a king coconut vendor on every street or not, you will definitely come across at least one family per street with a black sheep, i.e. a daughter or sister who defies the rules of the society. It may be even you!
The woman tends to go beyond the conventional ways of living, making her own decisions and breaking norms in order to pursue goals. Be it putting aside university entrance for another degree, giving up lucrative job opportunities to work on a hobby or talent or rejecting ideal marriage alliances, negative reactions stem uncontrollably from kith and kin. Everybody will have many opinions on why your decisions are wrong. Especially if you are from a conservative background, you will be picked on your choice of work, dress sense, socialisation and even matrimonial decisions.
Living in a part of the world where finding a husband and starting a family is treated as an insurance cover (to look after you when you are old), it is considered as an immense risk not to take the insurance. And let’s be honest, even if your family accepts your decisions, mouths wagging in your direction does put your family in a bit of a tight spot.
- Outsiders
Despite how open minded people like to call themselves, Sri Lankans yet impose an age barrier for all the major milestones in life – OLs by 16, ALs by 18, enter University, secure a job, save in a fixed deposit, buy a house, a car, get married and raise children! And all these should be achieved in a predetermined order too. If not you are a loser! Although both males and females carry the same burden, independent women who set out on their own paths to conquer dreams are usually ridiculed and discouraged severely.
You never know who set the rules. But you have to follow the rules. Otherwise you are considered a threat to the culture (Yes, despite the variety of burgers and number of coffee brands popping around our country, we never let go of the Paan and pol sambol, did we?)
Attend a family wedding or any other occasion and be ready to answer at least half a dozen aunties and cousins asking you “When are you getting married?” and also be prepared to witness a few match making attempts of well-wishing relatives. Even at work, it is not uncommon to have your colleagues inquiring you on your relationship status. And no, you need to at least have a boyfriend to be considered normal. It means your future is set and you will tie the knot soon enough. But if you don’t, either you are lying or you have a problem!
- Unwelcome advances
A bald old superior giving you the obvious hints? A colleague who always wants to take you out? A protégée who idolizes you and takes your every wish as a command? Sounds familiar? These are day to day incidents faced by many working women. It seems to slip their mind that a woman who works or move beyond preset comfort zones do not necessarily have to be open to all invitations thrown at her.
It is customary for a woman who tries to tackle the corporate ladder or build her own empire to encounter many warriors in the battlefields. But instead of arrows and bullets, you will be pelted with lewd comments, vulgar looks and inappropriate advances! It begins from the roadside Romeos to bus-uncles, to bus conductors who cannot find a better resting spot to issue the tickets than leaning on you, right down to the people you work with.
Worst still, sometimes even a respected elderly person or your buddy’s husband may want to give it a shot with you. It fails to seep into their minds that a working woman may have her own boundaries and values. The ideology that women who choose to break glass ceilings will accept anything and everything to get their way is deeply ingrained in our folks’ mind. This false thinking needs to be replaced. A paradigm shift is required for the betterment of independent Lankan females.
- Frustrations much?
No wonder women turn crabby after a while. Neither a new shade of lipstick nor the latest handbag swinging in your arms can compete with the mental frustrations the combined forces pour on you. Parents, extended family, friends, neighbours, colleagues and almost everyone you meet down the road have some advice for you. While some of it may, in fact be beneficial, the rest is simply their own limitations being pressed onto you. This is where many women give up, breaking down under the pressure imposed by the surrounding crowd.
Only a firm hold onto your goals and a strong mind will enable you to overcome this phase. It is going to test every calibre you possess. Whether you let the flow of the current take you for a swim down the river or whether you hold onto your ideas – This point is the time to decide once and for all!
- Wrong Decisions
As a result of undue influence, many a times even the best of us fall off our wagon. Our resolve wavers in the face of tears, emotional blackmail or persuasion skills of loved ones. We make decisions using logic, burying our instincts. Life always have a way of surprising us. Sometimes we accept a job we don’t like because the pay and perks are great. We get married to someone who we assume is compatible with us, but turns out to be not! Not that the path is to be viewed with a pessimistic outlook, but chances for regrets in the future are terribly high. An independent woman knows how to make ends meet. This is a basic survival skill. It is high time to support woman to take care of themselves rather than emotionally and mentally injuring her for making her own decisions.
