2017 Apr 3
by Samad Shiraz
People drink all the time. People get drunk all the time. Some can maintain their composure when drunk, and the others are Sri Lankans. You’ve probably seen all sorts of drunks in the time you’ve been out from bar to bar, from obnoxiously loud wanna-be singers to blacked out after a couple of shots. If you’ve ever got drunk with a Sri Lankan around, you would know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t had the unforgettable pleasure, here’s a few reasons why Sri Lankans make for some truly horrible drunks:
A night out usually ends with an adventure beyond the bar. It begins with an “ado” and ends with an even longer and more astonished “ado” in response to the loud and angry “ado” from the tuk-tuk driver who nearly ran them over. Although not the most adventurous of people when sober, Sri Lankans have met quite a few adventurers in their time- some of whom even stayed on for a bit. By beginning to think “who in their right minds would want to be an adventurer?”, they unleashed their adventurous personalities when not in their right minds. From one location to another, the Sri Lankans hop onwards with a spring in their step- a very wobbly and unstable spring.
Almost everybody gets obnoxiously loud when they’re drunk, trying to be the next Johnny Cash or Frank Sinatra, but that goes double for Sri Lankans. “Why is that?” You may ask. I would reply; “Unlike many other people, Sri Lankans have an immense arsenal of “bailas” and “papara” music to obnoxiously chant and boisterously sing, akin to many of the more “special” contestants on The X-factor”. They can also be quite entertaining. To give you an idea, it’s on the level of drunk British football chants, which are notorious for their “enthusiastic” chanting. Before the night is done, I can guarantee that you will be calling for Surangani too. Except when you’re out adventuring (see point 1).
- Sinhalese Busta Rhymes.
Sinhalese is a language that is often spoken at a modest pace that would give Usain Bolt a run for his money. If that didn’t make it difficult to understand, wait until vodka and a little bit of white rum is added to the mix. When a native Sri Lankan is drunk, no matter where in the world they are or what language they spoke beforehand, they will always speak sinhalese- or at least try to speak sinhalese. This leads to situations where one moment you can understand them and the next it’s just a string of slurred ‘machang’s, ‘ado’s and other incomprehensible sinhalese slang.
- Everything is funny.
Many people love laughing and joking around, but when a Sri Lankan is drunk, they turn into an amateur comedian- often not a very good one as they end up laughing at their own jokes before they even finish it. They might very well begin a joke with “Machang mama eiye raa…” and have the next word be drowned out in a burst of laughter. Naturally everyone who is also inebriated would join in on the merry laughter, not quite grasping what it is they are laughing at in the first place- mostly because they can’t understand rapidly slurred sinhalese (see point 3).
All things considered, Sri Lankans are naturally horrible drunks. Terrible. Awful. But is that a bad thing? I don’t believe so. All things considered, a night out with a fun loving, alcohol ingesting, loud mouth baila chanting, adventurous Sri Lankan could possibly be the most fun you could have in ages. If you are a Sri Lankan reading this; බොන්න කැමතිද?