2018 Jan 31
A good relationship is somewhat similar to a well assembled sundae. Each layer represents a stage that a twosome has to overcome in order to maintain stability and structure!
Metaphors aside, it is not uncommon to witness innocent and explicit acts of love in our rather eccentric community of Lankans. Due to the lack of awareness and abundance of stigmas, most relationships are often viewed as acts of taboo and often fail when the going gets tough. But what really makes a good relationship and what leads to that cherry on the top?
Stage 1- Absolute infatuation
This is when your dopamine levels are at its peak, the girl you’ve had your mind on for months has finally agreed to go on a date with you and you have no clue how to digest the constant flow of emotions rushing through! Things are often spontaneous and alive and love is received and given with little or no effort.
This is right about the time the back seats of the bus becomes the prime seating location and not to mention our classic Galle face green benches, tree roots at Victoria park and any or all corners of the beach. There is nearly always a high degree of passion (as you may have unfortunately seen most of the time), and partners think of each other for days on end. Generally this stage lasts from a few days to maybe even more than a few months given how much experience you’ve have with a relationship.
Stage 2- Adjustment
Now that you’ve done everything you had to do to reel your significant other in, you might as well start adapting to the fact that you cannot do things the way you did before. Inevitably, reality pokes its ugly head in on your little bubble of a romantic getaway and the picture starts getting bigger. Silly little fights about where to grab dinner and which TV show to watch can certainly escalate! After all, it’s 2018 and if your partner isn’t a Game of Thrones fan, that just might be a deal breaker.
Stage 3 – The families
Let’s face it, we don’t live in the same old world our ancestors did. Our great grandmothers may have stayed at home and cooked while our great grandfathers did whatever the equivalent of partying was back then. So reality strikes down on your perfect relationship when families step into the picture!
For various inexplicable reasons, families might create a ton of drama about your relationship. As personalities, ideologies, and families clash each party starts to protect their own pride, ego and maybe even subconsciously their family pride. After all, this is not uncommon in Lanka since a relationship is often the excuse all your aunties and uncles require to share all their unnecessary opinions.
This is when social media steps in to our classic Sri Lankan relationships! Whatsapp statuses are often changed, deep Tumblr posts are shared, and your Instagram captions will certainly reflect your heartbreak and relationship issues.
Stage 4 – Re-evaluating things
At this point you know each other better than your father claims to know which political party is better. You’ve had your fights and arguments and maybe even reached the last straw, so what next? Do you suck it up move on and realize that there is something worth staying on for; or do you find someone else that you can do all of this all over again? Not that either option is the right thing to do; but at this stage of the relationship the individuals begin to grasp all projections of fear, fantasy and reality and piece it together to form an overall image as where they are in life.
This is around the time that most girls begin to spend numerous hours getting advice from their girlfriends over the phone or the dreaded group chat, the epitome of all guys’ nightmares.
Step 5 – Acceptance
Most couples don’t usually get to this point to tell the tale; you are at the pinnacle of physical and emotional comfort with one another. Things that were initially deemed embarrassing (yes I’m talking about letting one rip in front of your significant other) now seem trivial. At this point both individuals are completely in perfect synchronization with each other and the Stage 1 PDA is certainly at a minimum, something which all their friends will most definitely appreciate.
There are very few surprises since the whole “been there, done that” is a constant. Couples at this stage exist in a unanimous state of happiness since they’ve already overcome the hard part. Thus we’ve reached the cherry on the top of the sundae and to get to this point may take you either a few months or an entire lifetime.
While not every couple would breeze through these stages in the same exact sequence, these are some of the most undeniable elements which every Sri Lankan couple most definitely experiences when in a relationship!