2019 Jun 28
We’re all familiar with the phenomenal birth of God’s seed and humour’s womb that we call F.R.I.E.N.D.S. The one show that has the justification to be overly played like a serial cheater’s significant other; that outdoes anything in existence.
But think about it, what if it was better… what if it became of ammata udu proportions?
But first let’s decide that it would be renamed “ P.R.R.E.N.D.S “ and their rendezvous point would be a beachside BYOB shack.
Monica (AKA Menaka)
As the host, Menaka would be in charge of creating the Whatsapp group and prepping the rest for a jolly night. Her compulsive obsession over everything will ensure that your gatherings will be more organized than our government and as a top Sri Lankan chef, her food truck would dish out some of the best kottu and cheesy pol sambal toast, so don’t fret; your munchies will be sated.
Chandler (let’s call him Chandana)
We all have uncles that lose it at baila sessions, yea now multiply that by a factor of maxxa and then maybe you’ll comprehend how hilariously dry Chandana can truly be. Boring auditor by day and an overall fun dude 24/7, dishing out some of the most hilarious Sinhala jokes you can fathom; this man truly gives “farting through silk” a whole new meaning even though he isn’t the most macho and heterosexual of the lot.
Joey ( Jonny)
Nobody finishes two portions of Menaka’s cheese kottu like this man. With the black hole of a stomach that would even baffle Stephen Hawking, every ammi and achchi in town gather to feed him with joy. Quite the stag himself, every akki’s hearts are broken while Jonny balances work as a delivery boy and various other lustful sessions while trying his level best to pursue his career as a Sinhala television drama actor.
Phoebe ( Fathima)
And here we have a social butterfly and fundraiser queen who around any sane person is deemed wonderfully weird. Often performs at café’s and our very own beach shack, her hit single “Handa maama” captures the true essence of Sri Lankan music and spreads joy in the ears of many. But hold on, Fathima ain’t no good girl, smoother than milk toffee mixture is sure to be wooed by this vixen. Her wit, excessively common loss of common sense and skyrocketed levels of self-confidence secures her a spot on our show.
Ross ( Ruwan? )
Office nerd with the worst radar for nangi’s who are interested. Ruwan is your overall good guy who would always manage to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. His profound fascination of wildlife puts him on the most successful department of wildlife conservation and on the lowest end of the dating profile. Struggling with his latched feelings for his ex-girlfriend, now identifying as a homosexual, and Montessori crush Ruwanthi (Rachel), it’s quite refreshing to indulge in the humour that follows.
Rachel ( Ruwanthi )
A young passionate yet lost female who after all these years being pampered by appachi is now an independent woman. Now starting her own line of clothing “Reddhi Badu” Ruwanthi is now a satisfied woman, Or is she? Watch as multiple DM’s cross her way as Ruwan hints of a loving relationship confuse her and in the midst of all this, you can be certain that there will be some tension between Ruwanthi and Jonny as well.
Janice ( KAMALA!)
As if she WON’T make an amazing Lankan crossover. One amongst all of Chandana’s past lovers, Kamala is one of the most eccentric characters in the entire series. Her nasal laugh crackles through the speakers of televisions in Lankan households throughout the city. Her trademark “ OHH MYY GODD” is replaced by a well known “ BUDU AMEY”.
Gunther ( Gunapala)
Entrepreneur 1.0.1 ladies and gentlemen, I give you the owner of the aforementioned beach joint “Kopi Kade”. Your average 5’5” balding middle-aged uncle; who can never take no as an answer. Watch as he risks everything just to get a tad bit closer to Ruwanthi so that he can pour his cholesterol filled heart out.
Watch as this fortunate set of dysfunctional machines survive life through its most confusing times. Since we all know anything and everything is always better with a Lankan twist.
Also, note that if anybody is willing to fund this creative project please contact Pulse as I would be honoured to be a part of something ridiculously amazing. (No joke dude, pay me for laughs).