2017 Oct 12
As I settle down in my veranda to write this article I take a long big whiff of the Sri Lankan air that is heavy with the scent of Jasmine and the richly spiced home cooked Ambul Thiyal waiting for me in the dining room . But my Rice and Curry will have to wait as the ancient Sinhalese proverb goes ‘’the truth comes first then comes Ambul Thiyal’’. I want to expose this country for what it really is, which is the absolute worst. Before you throw your pappadums at me, just read on and you will see why I have risked possible incarceration and ridicule to bring the truth to light.
1. People are armed
With smiles, hugs and traditional Lankan hospitality. It’s insane how far a Sri Lankan would go to help a stranger. Even the shop aunties will refer to you as ‘baba or putha‘ making you feel like you are part of this huge family. The love spread around this island is just nauseating I tell you.
The worst part would be the realization that the first response team to any tragedy or disaster that befalls upon this island is none other than the ordinary civilians; ‘smothering’ victims with bags of rice, clothes and makeshift shelters .They rob our favourite supermarkets of all its supplies and give it to those who need it. Don’t get me started on the ‘dansals’ either; free food for everyone. Just why?
2. Too many days to kick back and take a break
Sri Lanka takes the needs of its multi-ethnic population very seriously, with a very scary side-effect: almost 25 national public holidays a year. It’s one of the highest national public holiday counts in Asia, far outstripping Singapore’s 13 days, Japan’s 17 days and even Indonesia and Thailand’s relatively generous 19 and 20 days respectively.
The plethora of holidays that plague our nation, from Mahasivarathri to Poya! It’s like the minute we sit at our office cubicle, it’s time for another holiday! Who even likes long weekends and mid week breaks to spend at a nearby beach or mountain top watching the majestic sunset with your friends? No thank you, give me my ledger and annoying boss, Sampath, to deal with any day.
Also adding our casual and annual leave into account we have the power to elongate our three day weekends to even a whole week. What is this barbaric mess I ask you?!?! Please sign the petition to reduce holidays in the link provided at the end of this article.
3. Who even needs all this food?
Due to its strategic position on the route between East and West, many cultures have invaded and influenced Sri Lanka’s cuisine. Neighbours, traders, immigrants and colonisers have all left their mark on the island’s food, creating a mouth-watering blend of Dutch, Portuguese, English, Arab, Malay and Indian flavours.
The pol sambol and the string hopper dynasties that hail from our rich local clay potted history is also thrown into the mix, making it harder to choose.
This honestly makes Friday nights with the family so much harder. With the scuffles between the younger siblings and the drunken uncles singing baila incoherently, now we also have the additional pressure of choosing just ONE place to go to. HOW COULD WE POSSIBLY CHOOSE FROM ALL OF THAT? Honestly by giving US this much of choice you are being just plain selfish Sri Lanka. Just Selfish.
4. One wicket away from a revolution
Synonymous with Sri Lanka is its cricket, and our fans have the audacity and the nerve to faithfully support and stand by our cricketers no matter what.
This sense of loyalty is absolutely dangerous, especially since cricketers like Sanga and Mahela could easily lead a revolution and millions of Sri Lankans would follow under their command. The walk around the island for cancer was a clear example; the minute everyone saw them supporting the cause, the whole island jumped in and did sickening things like donate money and raise awareness and worst of all spend their time doing unnecessary cardio.
Why can’t we just be like normal cricket loving countries and sort of burn their houses down or boo them at the airports?
5. Watch out for sites that steal your breath
Few places have as many UNESCO World Heritage Sites (eight) packed into such a small nation. Sri Lanka’s 2000-plus years of culture can be discovered at ancient sites, legendary temples and Rock Fortresses peaked on prominent peaks.
Miles of golden sun kissed beaches, brimming with eclectic locals and foreigners alike with rain forests and wildlife parks spanning a couple of hundred kilometres, these sights tend to take your breath away. I mean, how they dare steal your oxygen! Why do even need such beautiful locations? Just level it down and put up a concrete jungle, am I right?
As I conclude I would like give you a teensy heads up:
- To not hate the writer for her bouts of sarcasm. She does love her country and all that it entails. Maybe not the mosquitoes but that’s a whole different article.
- There isn’t an actual petition link to reduce the holidays so if you were excited about that shame on you.
